Mobile #1
Generating and executing this project both conceptually and in its physical form was a huge turning point for me, both in how I relate to myself and how I relate to the world around me. The seed of this project came from my own recognized need to challenge myself, and explore memories, both beautiful and painful, as a mechanism of creative catharsis. From the moment of identifying its form as a mobile, the content, modality, form, and function felt like a playground of infinite opportunities. As I worked on executing the physical mobile, I began to understand it as a lens or portal perhaps that one can choose to step into to witness a certain aspect of my entire self.
Grief was the aspect I chose to explore for this particular mobile. (I say that with the full intention of creating more of these focusing on different aspects of my life as well as synthesizing across experiences more tangibly.) While working on compiling the writing and objects for this project I went back through some writing I had done in the last two years, bringing voice to my past self and allowing her to be in conversation with my present mind. The compiling of this meant looking through the old journals I had laying around, iPhone notes I had left myself here and there, and in addition more formal written work of which I hadn’t found the proper mode of sharing.
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As I reflect on the artistic and ethnographic choices I made throughout the creation of this project, I find that both of those aspects of the project informed and helped to mold the other.
As an artist, the physical act of making, be that the crocheting, wiring, overall construction, was itself an ethnographic process. An opportunity for non-verbal expression, that ultimately informs how each individual interacts with the finished piece. Certain color or texture choices of yarn were informed by my lived experiences and my internal conceptualizations of my life, and the connections forged with others throughout it. And then through a more traditional ethnographic process of testimony, the content of which shaped the choice in objects, and overall construction and material used. In many ways everything fell into place, the form, content, function, and overall aesthetic impact flowed organically within the mobile. There was a great interdependence of modalities, all informing one another and ultimately impacting the audience's experience with the mobile.
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I was quite moved by the interpretations from the class the day I shared this project. Of course, all of the choices I made artistically were intentional and carried immense meaning, but the way they experienced the mobile, and the meaning they read into certain artistic choices really resonated with me, (which if I’m being honest usually doesn’t happen with the art I make.) The comment made about the resin raindrops being a sign of temporality has been preoccupying my thoughts. While they appear to be falling from the sky symbolizing a passage of time, they are literally frozen, mid-air, in a way like how my relationship with my mom has become. Frozen in time, yet uncanny in our continued growth and connection through my grief. Their centrality to the piece, which everything literally revolves around is also symbolic of the role (or lack of role) the passage of time has in grief.
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This project stands out from anything else I have done artistically because this project was a synthesis of many parts of my expressive self. When the distinct mechanisms of expression (writing, fiber art, photographs, specific choices for medium and overall construction) were brought together embodied my internal and external self and expression in totality. I genuinely couldn’t have imagined it looking any different. Through this class and this project, I have come to acknowledge my natural tendencies to create auto-ethnographies and recognize the important role that plays in establishing my own sense of self. I was talking to a friend recently about how the act of story-telling must function to strengthen one’s memory. Their past life experiences are more vivid because they took the leap to process those memories externally, cementing them within both your internalized and externalized sense of self. The process of this mobile was a challenge in storytelling. This externalizing process of auto-ethnography (or more accurately, storytelling) has not only worked to portray my experience but actually functioned in actively reshaping my perceptions of myself, and the ways I show up in the world.
I feel that I could go on forever about this project because it truly was life-changing. It opened the door to so many opportunities for self-exploration and personal liberation. Having “finished it” (art is always a work in progress) I have never felt more capable and proud to express myself. Thank you for changing my life, not only with the content of this class, but with your sage wisdom, and grounding presence. I had this feeling the other day that I am in the infancy stage of something so much bigger, and I am so excited to see how I continue to grow and evolve, taking the wisdom from this class with me through everything I do.